


[Unfinished] In Disguise

by one_starry_knight



Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 09:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18163409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_starry_knight/pseuds/one_starry_knight
Summary: An unfinished "vent fic" type fic. Couldn't bring myself to finish it.Warning for otaku-accurate transphobia.





	[Unfinished] In Disguise

King Dedede tapped his fingers impatiently against the arm of his throne as he listened to the Otakings ramble off their idea for a new, better anime. Their last attempt had failed because they, in their own words, targeted the wrong audience. Clearly no one was going to watch an anime about Tiff, she was too much of a ‘Mary Sue,’ as they put it. She was too ‘perfect’ in everyone’s eyes and that was unrealistic. No girl was that perfect, that flawless and well liked. It just wasn’t good anime material. No one liked a Mary Sue.

In truth, Dedede was only half listening, catching occasional words like “action” and “Star Warrior” and “pretty ladies.” He didn’t really care what their new anime was about, his only interest was whether or not he’d make money off of it. He yawned and looked at Escargoon, who was actually listening.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Dedede interrupted, “How much money ya think I’ll make from it?”

The Otakings looked between each other and then the shorter one in the glasses, Sleepy, spoke up, “That depends on how many viewers we get.”

“And the ratings.”

“And how much merch we can sell.”

Dedede groaned and slumped further into his throne. He didn’t care about the technicalities, he just wanted one of them to say a big number that sounded like a lot.

“And y’all said it’d be ‘bout some… Star Warriors or somethin’?” He asked, making it clear to everyone else he hadn’t really listened.

“Yes, specifically those Star Warriors you have staying here in the castle. We did some research on them and talked to some people who knew them, and we found out some _interesting things_ that would make a great plot for the anime.” The way Biggie said ‘interesting things’ made Escargoon cringe. That didn’t sound good to him. He looked up at Dedede, whose interest has suddenly piqued.

“What kinds’a interestin’ things?”

The Otakings all grinned and a chill went down Escargoon’s spine, or would have if he had one.

“ _Secret things._ ” The three said in unison.

Dedede rubbed his hands together and laughed, “Great! Sharin’ their secrets all over the tv will get us lotsa views! And that means more money.”

* * *

 

When the Otakings approached Garlude carrying sketchbooks and grinning from ear to ear, she couldn’t help being a little disturbed. They were rather creepy fellows normally, to say the least, and to see them grinning like that, Garlude wasn’t sure if she should turn tail and run right then.

“Lady Garlude--”

“It’s Sir Garlude.” Garlude interrupted the lanky Otaking, Bony, without hesitation.

“Sir…? But aren’t you, like, a woman?”

“Women knights are still referred to as ‘sir.’ Only specific knights are referred to as ‘lady’ and even then it’s uncommon.” Garlude crossed her arms and frowned at the three as their expressions changed to disbelief. They looked like they were about to debate her, but must’ve decided it was a bad idea, as Bony continued, “Sir Garlude, we were wondering if you would let us do some sketches of you and your Star Warrior friend.” He motions behind her to Jecra, who was chatting up Kawasaki and asking for free samples.

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable modeling for you lot. Who know what you’ll do to my image.” Garlude looked back at Jecra and then back to the Otakings, “Or his. We’re real people, not cartoon characters to be fawned over.”

“For starters,” Biggie speaks up, “It’s an anime, not a cartoon. Different demographics. Second, we’ll draw you two as you really are. Like, it’s gonna be a cool anime about you guys fighting monsters.”

“A super cool fighting anime, with two great protags; you dudes!” Sleepy adds, pointing at the two Star Warriors with his mechanical pencil.

Garlude looked between the three and then backed up a few steps, taking hold of Jecra’s arm and pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear.

“Are you comfortable with three random creeps drawing you for some anime?”

“Anime? Like the cartoons on in the mornings that Joe watches?” Jecra looks back at the Otakings curiously, whispering back to Garlude, “They wanna make a cartoon of us?”

When Jecra’s eyes light up with genuine interest, Garlude knows she’s lost this fight already. She sighs and looks back at the Otakings, who’re starting to grin again.

“Alright, but on one condition.”

“Anything, dude.”

Garlude screws her eyes shut. “Two conditions actually. One, don’t call me dude. And two.” She points at the trio with as much authority as she can muster, “We get to see it before anyone else, that way if there’s anything wrong, anything at all, we get to say what gets changed.”

The Otakings look between each other and then nod.

“Deal!”

* * *

 

As the Otakings ushered Garlude and Jecra into a small screening room, Jecra shook with excitement. He loved the idea of being an anime character, being show as a cool guy doing cool things. He wasn’t like that in real life. Sure he was a strong knight, but outside of battle he was a simple man who tinkered with machines and spoiled his son. It would be nice to see himself as a cool hero for once. Garlude was excited for him, but on a personal level she dreaded seeing what those three idiots had done to her.

The anime started and immediately Garlude and Jecra began laughing. Rather than being grungy, fast paced, and action packed, like they’d both imagined a ‘cool anime about the war’ to be, the anime was sparkly and the art style was atrocious. The characters’ legs and arms were too thin, their torsos too long, their faces too pointed. If the style was meant to be ‘pretty’ or ‘elegant,’ it missed its mark by a mile. It was hysterical.

“Is that supposed to be me? No way! They took away all my muscles!” Garlude choked out between laughs. “I’m not that skinny!”

“You think you’ve got it bad? I can’t tell half these characters apart! They all have the same face! Is that one you or me?” Jecra wheezed and leaned on Garlude, his eyes watering from how hard he was laughing.

The anime continued on and it only got worse as things went on. The plot was a stereotypical ‘lady knight falls for handsome man’ plot with their, badly drawn, faces plastered over it. The voice acting was terrible, as they hadn’t even asked Garlude and Jecra themselves to do the voices, and the romantic music made even the serious moments seem stupid. Garlude found herself on more than one occasion mocking the dialogue, saying it with an extremely over exaggerated inflection, yet not sounding even close to how bad the voices actually were. Jecra followed suit and soon the two were parroting the dialogue and acting out the scenes in the screening room with exaggerated motions and dramatic emotions.

When the show got to an actual battle scene, it was nothing but flashy movements and stock sword clashing sounds. It wasn’t until Jecra, the one in the anime at least, got hit that the anime seemed to pick up. The supposed injury causing the knight to flee from battle and for anime Garlude to chase him to a nearby building. Anime Jecra ducked into a room, demanding to be left alone while tending his wounds.

“Wow, this is the most legitimately dramatic this anime has been up to now. I’m surprised they managed just this much with how bad the rest is.” Garlude chuckled as she watched the stupid stick figure characters move on screen.

“No kidding. I could’ve written a better episode than this and I don’t even know the first thing about story writing.” His character came on screen again and Jecra grinned at how stupid he looked. But then…

Anime Jecra stood in the room with his back turned to Garlude. He was shirtless, displaying the wound he’d received in battle clearly across his back. From the angle the camera was pointed, anime Garlude could see that he had his arms wrapped around himself and he seemed… Nervous. Then, anime Jecra turned towards her and real Jecra winced. Anime Jecra had been drawn with what were clearly breasts, covered by his arms of course, and a thin waist. Jecra glanced at Garlude, who had stopped laughing and was now looking on warily, unsure where this was going.

“I’m sorry, Miss Garlude,” the badly drawn anime Jecra said in that terrible voice. “I meant to tell you sooner, but I… I’m really… A woman.”

Garlude gasped, almost in sync with her anime counterpart, and turned to Jecra with shock plastered across her soft features. “Oh my stars, Jecra…”

Jecra didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to. He bit his bottom lip and blinked slowly. He couldn’t seem to look away from the screen, from the bastardization of himself the Otakings had created. No, that wasn’t him. That was a woman with his name.

“Jecra, are you… Are you alright?” Garlude reached out to put her hand on her dear friend’s shoulder, but he pulled away, finally looking away from the awful things on screen. Suddenly he understood what was going on. He’s seen it a time or two in the shows Joe watched; cool, handsome man turns out to be a woman in disguise that all the other women in the show had fallen for. A _‘bifauxnen_.’ He’d found it kind of uncomfortable when he’d seen it in those shows, but quickly got over it because he simply didn't want to get upset over something so trivial. Women being strong, handsome, cool, it wasn't a bad thing, in fact it was quite a positive concept, so he decided he'd enjoy it for what it was. But now, to see himself portrayed in such a fashion, as if he were a woman in disguise and not truly a man, it was less uncomfortable and more painful.

“I guess the style and acting aren’t the only things that make this show trash.” Jecra said, trying to smile. His joke fell flat and he scratched the back of his head, unsure what to say or do now. Garlude reached out to him again and this time he didn’t pull away, instead leaning into her touch and letting her wrap her arms around him.

**Author's Note:**

> That's all there is to my "vent fic" I suppose. I couldn't bring myself to go further.  
> After being faced with a good chunk of transphobes already this year, I wanted to vent but never really got to a good conclusion here. I'd like to have a good resolution, but I couldn't make myself write any more.


End file.
